Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
