as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
