phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just found a bag of teeth...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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