So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
