I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
