ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
