So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
