Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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