I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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