I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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