i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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