Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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