just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
