made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
