i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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