she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
How does one acquire holy water?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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