On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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