Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
