i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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