we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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