Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
