He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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