it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
