At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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