I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
