I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
