Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
