dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
