I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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