Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
