Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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