Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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