My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
