Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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