It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
