He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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