either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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