Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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