What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
