I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
