I skipped work to stalk him.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
