Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just wanna soil my oats bro
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
