Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
vagina is talking i cant
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
