took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
