I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize