i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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