Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
