Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
