Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
