I wish my penis had an off switch
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
