If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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