i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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