I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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