It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
